So, I was having some major motivational issues lately, but after talking with my roommate, we figured that I needed a change. That night, I turned my hat around, AND IT WORKED! It was simple, but I started pumping out all of my work.

The next day, he lent me a hemp necklace with spikes on it, just so we could hear what people would say about it. And you what? I worked even harder than the day before!

Later that day, I went to Target with a friend and bought a new hat, which I haven't done in YEARS! I LOVE IT! It seems to suit me near perfectly!

I guess a change is exactly what I needed. I just posted a few more poems, and I'll admit, they seem to be all over, emotionally at least. They were written both before and after these changes, but not posted in any particular order. Sorry for the chaos!

So I've decided that I'm sick of being around couples. Almost every couple I know here seems to have at least one unfaithful partner, and it's really making me sick. There doesn't seem to be any morals at all.

Along the same lines, I think I need to stop being a listener all the time. I make a lot of friends, but I'm just getting to tired mentally, emotionally, and physically to deal with it anymore. I'm tired of being "such a good friend." Once a woman says that to you, game over. I'm tired of losing my motivation each day, just as I'm tired of constantly hearing about my friends and love life and/or the people that they are with or want to be with.

It sounds selfish, but I really wonder sometimes when it'll be my turn. Not only is this whole being single thing exhausting, but having people come to me with their problems ALL OF THE TIME, I only hear about what is going wrong in other people's lives, but can't really share, comfortably, with most people around here because I either do not know them well enough, or they don't really care to hear. Somethings, I just don't feel comfortable talking to anybody about, and I don't blame them for that. There are things about me that not even my friend Aaron, whom I've known for YEARS, knows about.

Honestly, at this point, I'm just scared that I'm heading for another breakdown, and that hasn't happened for a very long time.

For now, I plan to try channeling this energy into my writing to get it all out, as I'm sure that those who actually read this will have noticed by now. Basically, I guess I'm trying to apologize ahead of time if my work becomes a bit of a buzz-kill for a while, so just bear with me, because this will hopefully pass soon.

A while ago I celebrated my 21st birthday, and I began to think about getting older and what that means. I also began to notice how it affects a persons emotions towards someone younger. It makes things very difficult when there are so many major differences within 3 years, but part of you doesn't always care, because you're just happy when you're around them.

Recently, I found out someone I've been feeling closer and closer to may not be around anymore. It's quite frusterating when you know what is best, they know what is best, but everything comes down to personal happiness.

I wish I could find a way to convince her stay, but if it's not what she wants, I don't know if I should try. I wish I knew the right thing to do.

So I'm back in Mansfield and loving it! It's a little weird having a roommate again after having a room to myself last year, but I think it'll work out. So far, he's definitely the best roommate I've had. I get plenty of personal space, yet we still talk once in a while, as opposed to my last roommate with whom I had a total of maybe two conversations. I'm only taking 15 credits instead of the 18 that I have been taking every semester before, which is nice, but part of me doesn't know what to do with myself, so I'm here.

I swear there is something weird going on with the animals in my neighborhood. A week ago, as I was raking the yard, I saw our neighbors' black cat dig a hole in the gravel that washes into our lower yard, take a crap, and then bury it. It seemed rather normal, until the next day, when I saw TWO blacks cats in the lower yard. Needless to say, I'm starting to put a little more stock in the tabloids.
Yesterday, I was mowing the lawn next to the workshop, and a frog just stared at me and watched. I thought it would know enough to move as I headed towards it, but it didn't. I had to stop mowing so as not to run it over, and the damn thing would not move for anything else. I threw sticks at it--nothing. I took the dog out--nothing. I swear it had a death wish. It really makes me wonder what the hell happened to it! Oh well. Maybe I'm just losing it. Probably wouldn't be too far from the truth. Lol. Time to go bowling!